Shush!

Big city library system, main library downtown and around 20 branches. This top ten list was pulled from the security reports we see every week. This is just from 2005. The interesting slant is that he, the security guard who edited this list, did not choose any of the common stuff like stalkers, junkies shooting up in bathrooms, youth riots, fist-fights, and the sometimes seemingly non-stop parade of incredibly angry folks who go off on staff members day after day and often have to be forcibly removed and banned from library. I would guess I see about 10 expulsion notices every 2 weeks. Downtown and a few branches seem to see the majority of these incidents, but every branch gets something on a regular basis. The last armed robbery in a branch that I know of was a few years back, but the downtown library fields bomb threats on and off.

I think it is a thumbs up to the staff, librarians and security, who still seem to provide an air of safety and comfort. If you ever mention things like this to patrons they are typically in disbelief, and why parents never understand why it is not wise to drop the kiddies off at the library. I always remember what Malcolm said, how lucky we at the library are to see all facets of society every day, including the people that most of us just see on the street corners holding signs, or shuffling from the van to the halfway house or rest home. Our increasingly gated and segregated society still mixes quite freely at the library, even if the marginalized are a bit over represented (or are they?)

The library is mostly good stuff, but here is the underbelly...

1. While sitting on the front passenger side of a vehicle, male patron tried to back off parking lot. Patron backed up and hit neighbors fence. Panicked, patron threw vehicle shift into drive while fully pressing down on the gas pedal. Vehicle went full speed forward on the very sloped parking space, hit the parking barriers, went airborne, landed on the 2 feet high cement wall planter, and continued another 4 feet while scraping and damaging vehicle's underside. Water, oil, and coolant fluids flowed from underneath vehicle. Startled, but OK, patron managed to remain on the passenger side of the vehicle throughout the ordeal.

2. Caucasian male patron (possibly a transient) washes his hair in the drinking fountain. Leaves, dirt, skin, and brownish scab residues fell off his head. Minutes later a staff member drank from the same water fountain.

3. Caucasian male patron in his 40's was cooking a rack of bacon in men's public
restrooms using a portable hot plate.

4. Caucasian male patron in his 40's was cooking hamburger (no cheese) in the men's
public restrooms using a portable hot plate.

5. As staff was working in the basement workroom, staff were looking up and out the
window to a female patron wearing a medical facility uniform. Female patron looked around the area, then suddenly pulled her pants down and commenced on doing the "#2". Staff members watched patron as she backed up into the lower ground level windows. Staff desperately knocked on the windows to get patron's attention. Patron was in the middle of her business when she heard staff knocking on the windows. Patron sees staff through the lower windows, squeezed off what she could, pulled up her pants, and bow-leggedly ran off the property clutching her butt.

6. In the middle of summer (not even close to Halloween) a male patron walked in with a honey bee collector's mask. Patron saw security and left immediately.

7. Yellow skin-toned male patron walked in branch with a welder's mask on, then walked back out.

8. Intoxicated male patron was laying down and sleeping on a bay window of branch. Patron suddenly made gargling, burping, and other bodily noises. Patron started secreting excrement from all his body orifices. Area affected smelled of urine, feces, and sour cream.

9. Intoxicated female patron walked out of the library restrooms with her pants and
underwear down on her ankles.

10. Patron hurriedly tried to exit branch via glass wall. Patron hit her face on the
glass, fell backwards, got back up, and tried to exit into the glass wall again. Patron fell backwards again, got back up. Then patron tried to exit the branch pushing on the glass door, but did not use push bar. Patron hit her head on the glass again, fell backwards, and finally motioned for help to the laughing staff member, who was facing the other way, yet witnessed the whole incident. Patron refused medics and was shown the proper way to exit branch.